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How to break up with a woman who's in love with you

Reality star Kristin Cavallari just had her bachelorette party, but that didn't stop her fiance, NFL quarterback Jay Cutler, from calling off the wedding, which got us thinking about the best way to break up. If things aren't working, then they just aren't working, and you're better off getting out of a bad thing than carrying on with a bad relationship. But whether you've only dated for a few months or you're about to walk down the aisle, breaking up is never easy. In all of my years having been through so many different kinds of relationships, there’s one cardinal lesson I’ve learned about when they come to an end: Don’t be passive about breaking up with her.



What You Need To Know
*Don't be a chicken and try to get her to break up with you -- she won't.
*If you realize you don't love her and she loves you, end it.
*The longer you stay, the worse it becomes.

Most guys will at some point come across a dead-end relationship. He is ready for it to be over, ready to be free and single again, but she is still content in the relationship and committed to keeping it going. When his love for her fizzles out, a lot of guys will get into the following situation: He realizes that he doesn’t love her the same way that she loves him, and so he does anything he possibly can to get her to break up with him. He spends more and more of his time with his friends or at work instead of with her. His conversations with her become distant and emotionless. He complains about her incessantly. He becomes argumentative and purposely instigates fights with her. But this can be a slow and painful journey, because when a woman is in love, she tends to be stubborn and will do whatever she can to keep the relationship alive. Trying to get her to break up with you is the chicken way out and will just lead to complications. So learn how to break up with her.

I have to admit, what I'm about to write is very personal to me because I've been down this road so many times before.

You've met the girl you think is the perfect woman. She's perfect in so many ways, yet there's just something missing. Maybe you're not head-over-heels attracted to her, even though she's very beautiful. There's something that's just not right; it doesn’t click in the way that you want it to click. You can't figure it out, but you still think to yourself, "God she's great. She's fantastic. She treats me really well." And, after some time, you fall in love with her. But you're not head-over-heels in love. At the same time, however, she really starts to fall head-over-heels in love with you. She thinks you're so great that she wants to build a life with you.

On paper, everything may look great, but you know that something is missing. It's almost like you can't put it into words or explain it to anybody because whenever you do, everybody tells you how amazing this woman is for you. All of your single friends tell you that they’d love to meet somebody that great. You agree with them but feel that there needs to be something more -- just something that feels more right.

And so you're faced with one of the toughest decisions you'll ever have to make. You have to figure out how to break up with a woman who's in love with you. You go through the angst, the guilt. She’s treated you so well and given you so much that you don't want to hurt her. She’s not going to understand that you just need to be single again, and that you don't want to see anybody.

You care about her so much that you don't want to see her get hurt if you end the relationship. But the truth of the matter is that you're actually hurting her a lot more by staying in the relationship. As you stay in the relationship hoping that it will die out or hoping that she will eventually break up with you, she is staying in the relationship hoping that you'll eventually turn the corner and love her back.

Here's how to break up with her gently...

The longer you stay, the worse it becomes

It can be extremely hard to learn how to break up with someone who really loves you. I understand that. I've had to do it a few times in my life, and it was one of the toughest things I've ever done. For all of you guys who are in this situation right now, I know you are faced with something really tough. You may be spending a lot of time each day just staring into space wondering what you’re going to do. It may be stressing you out, physically and emotionally.

But the longer you stay, the worse it becomes. This woman you're dragging along deserves to find real love and to receive the kind of love that she is giving. By staying in the relationship any longer, you're only preventing her from receiving love back.

So how do you deal with this situation? You figure out how to break up with her. You get honest, you get raw and you get real, because you are doing her no justice by staying with her. By far the best thing that you can possibly do is to sit down with her, break up with her by saying exactly what is on your mind and bear through the pain. Complete and brutal honesty is truly the best policy here.

The fact of the matter is that you have to hurt her feelings first in order to set the both of you free. You have get completely honest with her and tell her how you actually feel. Tell her the truth: that you love her, that you think she is a wonderful person, but that the relationship is never going to give her what she wants and needs from you.

Trust me, she is going to hurt. She is going to be upset. She may even be angry. But in time she will start to realize that what you did was the right thing, because you really couldn’t give each other what you needed. You will enable her to move forward and find somebody else instead of spending her time and effort waiting for you to come around. And when she does meet someone else, and she gives her love to a person who is fully receptive of her love, she will thank you for setting her free. It won’t happen right off the bat, but it will happen in due time. Most importantly, it's going to allow you the freedom for your mind to be clear again so you can go out and find what it is that you want. We learn so much about ourselves through our relationships.

Relationships, even imperfect ones and failed ones, are one of our greatest sources of self-discovery and enable us to find out what we truly want and desire in our partner.

But in order to fully process what you’ve learned in a past relationship, you have to learn how to break up first. There's nothing worse than that heavy emotional feeling overtaking you and holding you back from getting what you truly want.

You have a tough decision to make. Be honest, be open and set the both of you free.

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